Everyone's relationship with body image and sex is different. Personally, mine has been hot and cold for as long as I can remember. At times I have confidence comparable to Rihanna, and sometimes - not so much. The sad reality is for a vast majority, I default to my traditional, insecure self who rereads erotic fiction, <Team Edward!
Thankfully for my self-esteem, I have met a handful of women who also jump from one extreme to another. From hyper-sexualizing themselves to remaining celibate (not by choice, might I add), we all are in the same sex boat.
The recurring theme connected so many of us as we all disliked how we looked naked. Speaking from personal experience, my entire day would revolve around that quick glimpse of my naked body coming in and out of the shower. All confidence would escape from my body if I found even the slightest imperfection.
Taking up too much space
This hatred for my body has crept into one of the most joyous and intimate acts a person can experience. As women, we are dealt a shitty hand and are held to a certain standard immediately upon puberty. We are put into boxes, small, medium or large and it’s borderline illegal to fit outside of the traditional scope of sizing. This outdated way of thinking negatively impacts our experiences in changing rooms, exercising, during summer holidays and most important during sex. How heartbreaking?
When you have shame embedded into your day-to-day way of thinking, you feel as though your body takes up too much space in a room, let alone a bed. Having this uncomfortable feeling within your own skin is naturally going to make you feel uncomfortable in front of your partner. How are we supposed to truly enjoy ourselves in this mutually beneficial act when we are constantly worrying about how our partner perceives us.
When inspirational quotes aren’t working, what can we do?
So, how can we change the narrative in our minds? Well, you can read a bunch of cheesy quotes on Instagram reminding you to ‘LOVE YOURSELF’ or actually start to make daily changes. I’m not saying I'm an expert but I do think that speaking to your body with kindness goes a long way. Changing the daily conversation has a massive impact to start recovering from the self-inflicting suffering we’ve put on ourselves. Instead of hyper-focusing on what you hate about yourself, add a characteristic that you genuinely love. This doesn’t necessarily need to be physical.
Additionally, unfollow accounts on social media that are just making you feel like garbage. Yes, Instagram Influencers do have some fire lifestyles but if their content is taking a toll on your mental wellbeing, unsubscribe or unfollow. It’s that easy!
And lastly, if you are comfortable doing this - I highly recommend speaking candidly with your partner about how you are feeling. Having someone equally committed to changing your self-worth and reframing your perspective can be life-changing for BOTH of your sex lives. A little compliment now and then can go a long way.
At the end of the day, who cares?
I think it’s also important to note that the male species could give two sh*** if you have stretch marks on your tushie. They are not these complex beings that we make them out to be. They don’t expect you to be perfectly shaved or polished and ready to perform contortionist moves on them. But, if they do, run. He’s a loser who probably couldn’t find the g-spot even if it was on google maps.
At the end of the day, we only have 1 body so we might as well enjoy it.